


After Shock

by Mixedia



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angels, Canonical Character Death, Demons, Drabble Collection, Episode: s08e17 Goodbye Stranger, Episode: s09e03 I'm No Angel, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Friendship/Love, Grief/Mourning, Homeless!Castiel, Homeless!Meg, Human!Castiel - Freeform, Meg2.0 - Freeform, Megstiel - Freeform, No Smut, Post-Episode: s09e03 I'm No Angel, Pre-season 9, Spoilers, The Pizza-Man, The babysitter, post-season 9
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-08-23
Updated: 2013-11-13
Packaged: 2017-12-24 09:57:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 5
Words: 3,240
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/938591
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mixedia/pseuds/Mixedia
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A series of drabbles based off things people have posted on tumblr or sent to my ask at megstielshipper.tumblr.com all pertaining to the death of Meg2.0 in 8.17 - Goodbye Stranger on how Castiel deals with Meg's death. Grieving, loss, angst and even a near miss. Crosses over slightly into season 9 as this was being aired as I wrote these pieces of work and people sent me asks about them. Mainly 9.03 - I'm no Angel when Castiel refers to himself as "Clarence", a few headcanons and I suppose a little AU?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The angel-demon

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Based off a Drabble prompt I found on Tumblr by theimaginaryslimshady:
> 
> headcanon: when dean finally told cas that crowley had killed meg, cas demanded to be brought back to the spot where she had died. he bought black sidewalk chalk specifically for the occasion. when dean pointed out the closest approximation of where she’d fallen, cas drew really clumsy, 5-year-old-style wings around where her body would’ve been.

Dean looked at his friend worriedly, Cas just hadn’t reacted to hearing about Meg’s death, hadn’t moved at all. He wasn’t sure whether it was from the shock or whether Cas didn’t actually care, he just looked down and kept staring at the floor.

Finally after a few moments of silence, Cas said “I want to go back.” Then he ran up the stairs. He came back a few moments later, tucking something into the inside pocket of his jacket. He looked at Dean, his eyes all intense and maybe a little more sparkly than normal, but in a dead-pan, serious voice he just muttered “Lets go.”

Dean drove, following all the speed limits and being very careful not to brake or accelerate too hard. He wasn’t sure what sort of state Cas was in, but he felt it was a fragile one and he was terrified of causing the fallen angel anymore harm. When they finally arrived at the industrial estate where it had all happened, Cas climbed out of the Impala without a word and began walking towards the door, Dean set off at a half jog behind him.

When they were 5 feet or so away, Cas turned back to Dean.

"Where did she die?" He asked, his voice still had that serious, no emotion quality to it that was scaring Dean so much. He figured he’d just go with it and let Castiel do what he obviously needed to do.

Walking over to the approximate location, he turned back to look at Cas while he pointed. “I think she was about here.” He said.

Castiel walked over, slowly, his eyes never leaving the patch of ground Dean pointed at. When he got there, he stopped and Dean suddenly saw it. All the pain, the sadness, the guilt that he had run away, the loss, the… everything. He hadn’t seen a look like this on someone’s face since Sam had lost Jess so many years ago, and it tore at his heart.

He took a step back when he saw that Cas had taken a thick piece of chalk out of his jacket and watched. Beginning with the top bones, Castiel began mapping out a huge, 3 foot wing, and then another on the other side. He added feathers, scrawled badly at first, but the more he worked, the more beautiful the wings became. He actually had more than just white chalk and he incorporated the other colours in as well, mostly dark colours, red, black, purple, all colours Dean would have associated with Meg as well.

Dean cracked open a bottle of beer he knew he had in the back of the car and sat watching Cas work for a good two hours. When he was finally done, Cas stood up and rubbed his hands together to get rid of the excess chalk, looking down at the wings. He looked up to see Dean staring at him and said “She was my care taker. My own personal angelic demon.” He said. He took one final look at the wings before walking back to the car, looking downtrodden, almost dejected. Dean patted him on the shoulder once as he walked past to acknowledge what Cas was feeling and what he’d done, but then climbed in the Impala beside him and drove back to the bunker. He never had been one for feelings.

When they got back, Cas allowed himself to crumple. He buried his face in his hands and let the tears spill over, unable to hold them back without his grace. Dean walked past awkwardly and went to tell Sam what was going on.

Sam just took Cas into his arms and held him, wishing to portray all the empathy he could and trying to hold his friend together the way his own brother had held him together after Jess had died. He knew it would take a long time for Castiel to feel anything like himself again.


	2. It's a wonderful life

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So this one is based off a few different posts, but I thought it led nicely on from the last chapter. All prompts came from tumblr.
> 
> ilovestardust said:  
> CAS NEEDS TO WATCH ITS A WONDERFUL LIFE OKAY. 
> 
> for meg. 
> 
> so he’ll know why he’s called clarence
> 
> oldbookandcandle replied with:  
> but if he watches it, he’ll be ringing bells like crazy…

Castiel had started reading books as soon as he found Sam and Dean again after becoming human. In fact, he read them so often, he forgot about everything else. He didn’t wash, he barely ate and he very rarely spoke at all. It was starting to get too much for the brothers, it was pissing Dean off and Sam was worried.

"Hey Cas? Are you alright?" He asked one day, sitting opposite Castiel.  
"I’m fine… why?" Cas muttered, not even looking up from the pages.  
"Well… since you became human… all you do is read." Sam replied. Cas sat still, looking away from the book and letting a little of the pain show in his eyes.  
"Before she died…" Cas hesitated, almost as if the subject were too much for him, "I asked Meg why she called me Clarence all the time. She told me I should watch a movie or read a book. So I’m reading." He explained, going back to the book. Sam and Dean looked at each other and immediately realised it was about time they showed Cas ‘It’s a wonderful Life’.

The whole way through the film, Cas stayed stock still. He didn’t even react when Clarence came onto the screen. At the end, he looked down at his clasped hands, letting his emotions wash over him. Sam and Dean stayed quiet, letting Castiel adjust to the truth.

Then he stood and walked over to a shelf on the wall where a bell had been sitting ever since they moved into the bunker. He picked up, looked at it for a few moments, then shook it to let the little bell sound it’s silvery tinkle. The noise took a moment to die away after he stopped and Castiel waited until it had before putting it back on the shelf. He turned to Sam and Dean, a sad, mournful smile on his lips.

"It’s a shame the quote about the bell isn’t true," he told them, his voice rough and full of emotion, "Or this Clarence would ring all the bells in the world until it gave his Meg her wings."

He looked down for a moment, his whole body looking like it was crumbling in on itself and with that, he walked down the corridor to his bedroom. He needed to be alone for a while. He finally realised exactly what he had meant to Meg and more than anything, he just wanted to bring her back to life, order some pizza and move the furniture round.


	3. Clarence

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> CaseofCas on Tumblr: Write a Drabble about Meg finding freshly human Castiel before Dean and Sam and how she deals with learning he used Clarence and all that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Vaguely related to Season 9 - SPOILERS  
> This is set before Sam and Dean found Castiel, when he was living in the men's homeless shelter and picking litter as we see in 9.03 - I'm no angel

Every night before they went to bed, the girls in the homeless shelter would gossip about any new people that had been accepted to live for a few days. Usually Meg didn't pay attention to them past working out if any of them were hunters or not. She didn't care about humans, but after Crowley had shoved the angel blade into her, she wasn't sure what sort of state her soul was in or whether she was still a demon or not, so figured keeping an eye out for any hunter-ish names was a clever idea.

So far, she had actually enjoyed living in the shelter. It gave her something to do, something else to think about other than how long it had been since she’d seen her tree-topping, trench coat wearing angel. At night, she still liked to day dream her “what-ifs”… what if she had been human? What if he’d come to save her and not the Winchester boys? what if… what if… what if… it could make any girl go nuts.

But it was on one night that the girls were chatting and she was laid on her cot, her hands folded together under her head, half her attention on the conversations going on around her and half on her daydream that she heard it.

"So his name is Clarence. He has these enormous blue eyes and he’s just so pretty. I don’t understand how he ended up homeless at all, he must have a wife and family somewhere."

The conversation moved on and Meg didn't understand how the room full of girls hadn't noticed the way her world had stood still, the way her heart had stopped beating or the flush that was creeping up her neck. It had to be a coincidence. Right?

The next day, she found the girl that had been talking, a girl called Theresa, and asked her to show her Clarence, saying she thought there was a chance she knew him. Together, they ducked out of working at litter picking and sneaked off to where the men were working. It took a moment for them to see him, but when they did, Meg’s heart took a detour into her throat.

He looked so… peaceful. He wasn't talking with the others, just so focused on the task at hand. The clothes clearly weren't his, and her heart lamented a little for that dirty great overcoat he was never seen without. A lock of his hair had fallen into his face and she longed to reach out and brush it aside so she could see those eyes properly again, feel the clean feeling he left on her whenever she touched him, wanted to taste how it made her inside flutter again. She couldn't believe it was really him and wondered if he knew where the nickname had come from yet. It almost crushed her thinking about her decision to stay away, knowing it would never be her that showed him ‘It’s a wonderful life’. Someone else would watch it with him, see his face when he hopefully realised exactly what he had meant to her…

Castiel looked up from his work, to a tree on the outskirts of where the men were working. He narrowed his eyes in thought, he’d been sure he’d seen someone. The flash of dirty blonde hair and those dark eyes on the small frame, it almost looked like… but it couldn't be. He knew she liked to stay below the radar, there was no way she’d put herself in the public view like that. He was still staring when a man he’d been talking to came by him.

"What you staring at Clarence?" The guy shouted at him. Castiel turned and stood staring at the man for a moment as he let his mind stop whirling so fast.  
"Nothing." He replied, disappointment dripping off every word. The other man raised his eyebrows, but thankfully, didn't question him further.


	4. Statues

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Anonymous on Tumblr: When they tell him that she died, they admit her body is gone, disposed. Through travels, Cas found himself in a cemetery. In a desolate corner, next to an angel statue, he places a rock as a headstone and scratches "Meg" as an epitaph, all he could manage. He visits often, to keep the engraving fresh, talk, and sometimes leave a small bundle of flowers. All who pass, they see this small grave and wonder about Meg, how she must have been so kind, to be remembered by this poor, homeless man.

He laid down to rest that night in his bunk way earlier than any of the other men he shared the dorm with. Staring at the ceiling, he let his mind wander, but it always returned to that flash of shadow he thought he’d seen until he felt a heavy hand clap down on his shoulder.

"You alright, Clarence?" His friend asked. "You looked pretty spooked outside today and you been real quiet since then." Castiel smiled as convincingly as he could before replying.  
"Yes I’m fine I… thought I saw someone. That’s all." He said, letting her image wash over him for the second it took him to blink.  
"A girl?" The man asked, a knowing grin on his face.

Castiel frowned a little. ”How did you know?”  
"Ah I know that feeling. Ladies, can get right under your skin, drives you wild." He told Cas, settling into his own bunk, a far away, starstruck look in his eyes. "Try not to think on it too much. G’night."

But Castiel couldn’t just stop remembering, couldn’t help the memories turning over and over in his mind again and again.  
 _"I’m gonna order some pizza and we’re gonna move some furniture around. You understand?"_  
Most of them made him smile.

* * * * *

The next day they were back picking litter once again, when Castiel looked up and noticed the cemetery across the road. He looked around him to double check that no-one was watching him, then made his way across, stopping just inside the gate to make sure he wasn’t followed. Then he started walking.

"When humans grieve," He said, not sure who he was talking to, but being glad of the company of his own voice. "They make a memorial of the person they have lost, often where that person’s body was buried or where their ashes are scattered."

Then he noticed the huge angel statue in the middle of a cross section of paths and felt himself give a tiny smile. Looking down, he found a surprisingly smooth, fairly large stone which he spent some time digging out of the Earth. He walked up to the angel and sat down with his back leaning against the plinth it was standing on. Taking out the pocket knife he had been given as part of his job, he began to work.

"Your body was probably taken away and destroyed not long after we retrieved the Angel tablet, meaning we had no body to bury or ashes to scatter. I drew wings on the ground where I think you died, but it was only in chalk and they will have been washed away by now." He was frowning, feeling a little frustrated. This would have been much easier if he had still had his grace to work with. "But I think you deserve something more permanent. Sam and Dean were talking about how they were going to cure Crowley using Sam’s purified blood, but that’s the work of Sam and Dean Winchester and at this point I ask myself what those two boys can’t do."

He held the stone at arms length to assess his work, smiling as he saw the messy, imperfect word ‘Meg’ scratched into the stone.  
"But you… you were so much more Meg. You were the demon who fought against what she was, the demon who fought for the good side. You took the cookie the dark side offered you, crumbled it up and threw it back in their faces. You were my angelic demon… my friend."

He stood up and carefully placed the stone at the angel’s feet, wedging it in hard so there was no way it was going to get moved.  
"And who knows, maybe if you had survived, we could have ordered pizza and moved some furniture." He looked up, seeing the sun belting down on the world, the breeze tugging lightly at his hair, not a single cloud to ruin the perfect day for his imperfect Meg. "I would have liked that." He told her ghost, smiling before turning around and walking back to the green to pick litter with the other humans.


	5. The Pizza Man

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Awkwardvagina on Tumblr posted: in other news the pizza delivery boy from my local dominos just sent me a text saying they havent seen me in a while

Anne walked out of the second hand technology shop, bag gripped tightly in her hand. She swung it lightly as she walked, so proud of her new purchase. She’d worked for weeks for this, every tip she earned at the bar put into a glass jar at home, every overtime hourly payment going in too, until she had finally earned enough to buy a new cell phone. She couldn’t wait to get it out, put it on charge and start making it her own, putting her contacts into the phone list, filling the inbox with her messages, the memory with her pictures, it was going to be fantastic.

She was almost buzzing with excitement as she climbed on the bus back home, rubbing her hands together hard to keep them warm in the cold winter air. Finally, it pulled up outside the block of flats and she nearly skipped up the urine soaked flight of stairs to get into her tiny apartment. As soon as she got the door closed and bolted, she went to the nearest plug socket and plugged the phone in. She let it charge for a few moments as she pulled off her scarf, hat, gloves, coat, watching the little battery sign flicker with it’s first charge of electricity in she didn’t know how long.

Finally, after waiting for so long, she turn on her very own cell phone for the first time. She squealed in excitement a little as the welcome chime sounded, watched with wide eyes as the screen lit up and breathed a contented sigh as the screen settled on the home page. She sat staring at it in awe, barely even daring to touch the first button, just wanting to savour the moment. But then, the text message jingle filled her apartment and the tiny symbol to tell her she had received a message appeared on the screen. The man in the shops had said nothing about expecting a message, and she couldn’t help the little frown she gave, wondering why she had received one.

Opening the contacts, she realised what had happened. The previous owner hadn’t formatted the phone back to factory settings, so their own contacts were still in there and the message that had just come through was obviously for them. She couldn’t help it, her curiosity had been peaked when she saw the names in the contacts list:

* Deano Winchester  
* My Pizzaman  
* Sam Winchester

and that was it. Just 3 names. Who would own a phone and only have 3 names in there? Not even a “mom” or “dad” was saved. Curiosity peaked even further, Anne decided to look at the messages. She was never going to meet the previous owner, and from the looks of things, they had never taken any pictures, so what harm could it do?

_Meg, I haven’t seen you in a while  
Meg, are you hurt?  
Meg, I am worried about you  
Meg, I miss you  
Meg, I wish you were here to tell me everything will be ok  
Meg, I am sorry I had to leave you. Please talk to me.  
Meg, I have been looking for you. Where are you?  
Meg, I have done a very bad thing. I could really use a friend  
Meg, … I hope you still love me the way you said you did in the hospital  
Meg, I am not a very good human_

The message that had just some through was much the same, but gave no more clue as to the story behind this “Meg” girl, all it said was:

_Meg… I am so, so sorry._

Every message was from the contact known as “The Pizza Man”. Anne couldn’t help but think this was a little overly attached for a Pizza delivery boy, but she guessed love would find it’s own way, although by the looks of things, something bad had happened between this “Pizza Man” and “Meg”. She stared at the messages a few times, wishing there was something she could do, letting her head wrap around the obvious sadness in their story.

But then she shrugged her shoulders. No point crying over a story she knew nothing about and people she had never met and was never going to meet. She picked up the instructions booklet with a shrug of her shoulders and leafed through. Following the instructions, she found the Settings, then phone settings, then format phone. She pressed a button and within 10 seconds, everything on the phone had been erased.

"Sorry Meg and Pizza Man, this is my phone now… MY phone." she said, letting the fact wash over her mind and bring back her original excitement and happiness.

Laying on her back with her phone held above her head, she slowly began saving all the numbers of her friends she had been collecting over the last few weeks.


End file.
